I’ve recently returned from a quest to Florida. To visit a boy. We bought the tickets 5 hours before the flight. It was a horrible red eye flight situation. 2 layovers on the way. 3 on the way back. All for 36 hours together. In honest hopes that we could maybe have a relationship. The first 4 hours were incredible. And then there was the wonderful realization that we love each other and can’t be together or shouldn’t or something. We cried. I threw up and couldn’t eat. It was 90 some degrees and 90%  swampy humidity and raining the entire time I was there. Ugh. It’s not true that love conquers all.

And while it was all those things(mostly pretty awful), it was somehow something I really needed to do. How can that be? I’m really not sure.

Awhile back I read most of a book about the pursuit of happiness in this little life. Please don’t make fun of me for reading such things. The most interesting morsel in the book was this idea that we humans need a quest, a goal, some big something that we’re motivated to pursue. For some people this is their true life passion and shapes their everything. For others its just a passion – this thing they like and do on weekends or during their vacation. Whatever it is, it motivates. It’s something to strive for and there’s a lot of happiness in that pursuit. For the life of me I cannot figure out any big anything to pursue. I wish I had that one big something that could define my existence, but I’ve tried and failed and exhausted myself in the process of trying to figure it out. I do resonate with the idea of a quest though. And, I’ve had my fair share of mini quests the past few years: I must figure out a way to visit SE Asia – check. I will learn to rock climb outside by myself – check. I will try rowing and race in a regatta – check. I must follow my heart to Florida – check, crash, burn.

So, in the wake of that most recent quest and the impending fall days, I am going to embark on another mini quest: Make all 100 recipes in THIS COOKBOOK. I have zero intentions of this quest changing my life(though, the poached scrambled eggs are a game changer). I’m just recognizing that at this moment I need something. Some sort of little quest to focus on while I work out the rest of my life and continue the ever heart breaking and annoying quest for love along with the reality of my current corporate existence(for which I am actually immensely grateful).

Re: The 12-hour, 3-layover trip back to Seattle: I cried on every flight. I was forced to check my bag at the gate in Charlotte because they’d ran out of overhead bin space. And ya know what? They lost my bag. Super Ugh.